So you're a mom... That's awesome!

 

Becoming a Mom is life changing.
From the moment those two pink lines popped up, I knew that my life would never be the same.
I knew that soon my life would no longer be my own and that I would be responsible for another.
Being a mom kicked in immediately with prenatal appointments, healthy eating, prenatal vitamins, maternity clothes, and gathering all that I needed to take care of the little one that would totally change my world.

I just didn't realize that not only would my world change, but I would too.

 

My life was mine and mine alone.
I did what I wanted when I wanted.
Bought what I wanted when I wanted it.
Slept in past noon.

Stayed up all night if I wanted to with no concern of the next day.
I flew by the seat of pants and could be spontaneous at the drop of a hat.

But...

That changed in a matter of 9 months...

21 hours of labor...

a few good pushes...

 

I had a new identity.
MOM

  And I had less to do with me and more to do with the littles.

Somehow I felt like in my Mom identity, I lost some of my independent identity.

The things that made me, me.

Heck, even my ability to use the restroom without a child crying or putting their fingers under the crack of the door.
I felt boring, frumpy, and blah.
And that's when I decided that adjustments needed to be made and I needed to pull myself out of my mommy rut.

  I needed to find some way of making motherhood enjoyable for all of us.

How?

 

1. I learned a new hobby.
I've always looked to creative outlets to express myself and so I thought knitting would be perfect.
I learned in a few lessons and 5 years later I'm still a knitting machine.
It is one thing that I can do for me.

I've even picked up on hula hooping.
Or you can continue on the hobby you already have.
Just because an artist has a baby doesn't mean that they stop being an artist.
Just because a runner has a baby doesn't mean they have to stop being a runner.

  2. I make it a priority to shower.

It can definitely be a challenge with little ones and they may be short ones but hey, at least I'm clean.
Even if I have to wake up a little earlier than the kids, it still gives me time to get ready in the mornings.
Sure you're tired, but at least you don't stink.

 

3. Put on a pair of jeans.
How many mom's live in yoga pants?
I traded mine in for leggings.

I can at least dress those up AND I'm still comfortable.
But I usually feel my best in a pair of jeans, even if I know I'm going to be home all day.
I just feel less frumpy that way.

 

3. Take a break for adult conversation or alone time.

Though conversation with your child can be fun, it is nice to have things to talk about aside from going potty in the toilet, what they want to be for Halloween, or the nonstop playing of "patty cake, patty cake".

If dad isn't around, find a family member or friend to watch the kiddos.
Run an errand, get a coffee, go grocery shopping, go on a date with your dude.
Do something.
If you're limited to the house, have a friend over for a cup of coffee during naptime.
What about a play date?

They say that play dates are more for the moms than for the kids and for the reason of adult conversation.
For as awesome as kiddos can be, they can also be very draining.
Sometimes you just need to recharge your batteries.

4. Do something that takes care of you.

Paint your nails.
Do an at home face mask at bedtime.
Buy a new shirt, dress, or jeans off a clearance rack.
Throw on some mascara even if you don't have enough time to do your makeup completely.
Something.
Whatever you need to do to give your tired, mommyself, a little boost.
You're worth being pampered, even in the littlest ways.
Sometimes as a mom, that's all we can do...
Something little.
For me, I like to get my hair cut.... a lot.

And when the kids are resting, I bust out the nail polish from time to time.

  5.Include your kids in the fun.

Just because you're a mom doesn't mean you become boring and not fun.
Fun is just sometimes redefined.
Do family dates with friends that have kids.

Go bowling, paint pottery, check out museums, go to a movie, go camping...  whatever is family friendly and gets you out of the house.
I'll even take my kids to starbucks and sit with them while they drink hot chocolate and eat a pastry.
My biggest joy is seeing my kids have fun and knowing that I've contributed somehow to a happy childhood with great memories.

 

6. Remember that they grow up fast and savor the time.
They aren't kidding when they say time flies.
My daughter is 3 and my son will be 7 next month.
I still feel like somehow they should both be younger than what they are and at times I have to reeeally think about how they were as babies.
And I know that when they are grown and are no longer wanting me to do their hair or play cars with them, I will wish that I could go back in time.
I will miss these days and know that I need to soak it up while I can.

 

  7. Remember that they are a gift.

Remember that when you're childless friends take fancy trips.
Remember that when there is something you want to do but can't because you have a kid/s to take care of.
Remember that when they are screaming at you, demanding of you, and crying because of you.

You are cherished in the eyes of your child.
You have the kisses that heal.
You have the touch that comforts them.
They need you.
You have the blessing of watching a little human (that is a part of you) grow, learn, explore, laugh, and enrich your life. 

  So take care of yourself because as the saying goes...

"If mom ain't happy, no one is."

:)

 

Keep
Calm

and
Mom
On

Testing 1, 2

Well the wait and dread of state boards for my CNA certification is over.  It felt like that day would never come and after the date for testing had been scheduled, I looked at my planner with slight anxiety and anticipation.

I had heard a lot of negative around the testing.  Even when we (my mom and I) were waiting to be tested, all we heard about was how 4 of 20 only passed last time and 2 out 8 from their own class passed.  Or how many times the people that were waiting had taken the test and that they were there because they, yet again, had to test for the 3rd time.

I wasn't feeling very encouraged.

My mom picked me up at 5:15 am on Saturday and we headed out of town for our test.  It was dark till about 7:30 which was a bummer because I had hoped to get some studying in on the road.  However we did manage to find a parking spot at the college and study before we signed in.

We signed in and we waited. It felt like forever before they called us in to the classroom to take the written half of the test.  I didn't feel near as nervous about this part of testing.  I think partially because it was just me, the booklet, and an answer sheet.  No one was watching me to make sure that I put down the right answer. No one was grading me as I went.  I just filled it out, turned it in, and waited for the results.  Not only that but it's usually the skills part of the test, where you have to perform certain tasks step by step, have 5 of them to do, and all in 25 minutes to complete it all, that gets people all bent out of shape.

We passed!

The tension in the room was crazy.  People were nervously talking, studying, and frequently visiting the bathroom as we each waited for our names to be called. 

As my mom and I were waiting for the skills half of the testing, two people returned.  They were not confident that they had passed and beat themselves up over what they may have missed or messed up on.  They had both tested a couple times prior to that day.  I watched as they looked at their results.  One threw her sheet on the floor in frustration and walked away.  The other did a little dance, hugged the test facilitators, and left with a grin.  Then it was our turn.

I was under the impression that there was a volunteer that would be acting as the client for the skills test. That's what the testing guide said at least. Come to find out, my mom and I would test using each other as the client.  I was surprised and though I didn't think it would be a big deal, I later realized it was.

My mom did AWESOME!  She nailed every skill that she completed but sadly ran out of time halfway through her 5th and last skill.  My heart sunk after the 25 minute buzzer went off and she was still working away.  

We had figured out that where she lost time was when she was putting my shoes on during the 2nd skill.  She had to get me up and out of bed to walk me using a gait belt but had to put my shoes on as part of the steps.  Well that day I had worn thick socks and my athletic shoes that are very fitting and has elastic in the tongue under the laces.  I wasn't allowed to help her and it was a struggle to get those tight shoes over my big socks.  If it weren't for that... She would have completed all 5 skills in that 25 mins and passed with flying colors. 

I'll never look at those shoes the same.  

On the upside, she will retest her skills (not the written. Just the skills) in town and received such encouragement and praise from the facilitator.  She really did a remarkable job!

The skills I received to test on were as follows: 

1.) Hand washing (all did this one)

2.) Use of a bedpan (which I prayed I didn't get but did... Oh well)

3. Measuring urinary output

4.) Dawning of protective gown and gloves (putting them on and taking them off properly)

5.) Catheter care

I immediately started to plan in my head what I needed for each one, how much time I needed to complete each one, and started the clock.

I moved fast and though it wasn't a race, it kind of was and in the midst of that I tried to recall each step.  Remembering to introduce myself, to lower the bed after I was done, to hand the client the call light, to close the curtain for privacy, to not over expose the test dummy (not my mom haha) for catheter care that went by Mr. Jones but had a vagina. Haha!  It was easy to remember the big steps of the process but something as simple as handing the client the call light could be easily bypassed.  

(Might I add here how awkward it is to shove a bedpan under someone's butt and how much more awkward it is being the person to sit on it?  My poor mother.... Hahahahaha! Don't worry. It was just a test so no actual bedpan use happened.)

As soon as I said "wash hands, skill's complete" for the last time, before the timer went off, with a minute to spare, I immediately heard my mom say "yes!! You got this!".  And I did....

I passed!

I felt so excited for what I had accomplished and yet so disappointed that we hadn't passed that part of the test together.  There were so many mixed feelings in that moment and moments after.  I just felt so stinking bad about my shoes and stewed on the reality that my mom would have walked out of there with a different outcome had she not tested on me that day. Seriously 5 minutes just trying to loosen those stupid things up. I'm not over exaggerating the difficulty here. Even though it wasn't my fault, I couldn't help but partially blame myself.  Ugh.  

I AM excited for the months to come and to see what possibilities open up with this accomplishment.  And for me this is an accomplishment. 

Some people may talk it down like it's no big deal but not everyone knows ME.  

I don't know how many times I've said I was going to do something, try something, attempt something and not follow through.  Self doubt and the unknown generally keeps me from doing something.  At times it's taken someone to "hold my hand" or walk me through.  Or so it feels...  BUT when I reeeeeally want something, i go after it.  I just haven't gone after anything that has challenged me like this or invest into my future or purpose.

This working mom of two kids, who secretly doubted herself... 

Completed a course

Did the foot work of paperwork and background check (without hand holding)

Studied like crazy

And actually retained the information! Lol

AND passed state boards!

I pushed through it and I managed to prove to myself that I am capable of achieving so much but have allowed my fear of failure to step in the way of pursing my dreams.  This experience has changed me. 

I've learned

I've grown 

I've conquered 

I've set more goals because the part of my mind that said "you can do this" was able to overtake the part of my mind that said "you don't have time. You have kids to take care of, how will you study? You were an average student 10 yrs ago, what's changed? You're out of practice." And all that other junk. 

A huge thanks to my family and friends that have encouraged, prayed, supported, and celebrated with me.  Especially to my mom who has ALWAYS believed that I can and has shared this experience with me. And to my husband that helped me with obtaining quiet study time, quizzed me,  and helped make this a priority when so many other bills and needs could have taken its place.

I'm incredibly blessed. 

I can't wait to see where God takes me next!  <3

-C

Lie vs. Truth

There is a lie that I think many of us believe.

Whether we've been told it....

treated like it...

adopted it because of our own insecurities...

or all the above...

 

A lie that often times defined me in the sense that I've spent most of my life trying to prove the opposite...

 

That lie...

 

That I'm nothing special..

That I'm not worth loving...

That I'm not worth investing in...

 

If there is one common thing that all of us long for at some point in our life...

It would be ACCEPTANCE.

 

The truth is...
I'm not going to be accepted by everyone.

The truth is...

You won't either.

 

The truth is...

There is absolutely no way to please every single person in your life.

 

The truth is...

That's ok.

The truth is...

Just because someone doesn't value you, doesn't mean that you aren't worth valuing.

 

I needed to say this because I think deep down inside I needed to remind myself.

People won't always accept me.

People won't always value me.
And despite what I may choose to believe at times...

I have worth.

 

 

 

 I have a God that created me in his image.
I have a God that (despite my massive screw ups) loves me, wants me, and pursues a relationship with me on daily basis.
I have a God that wants nothing more than for me to care more about what he thinks about me, than what others might.

And God has a daughter (me) that is learning to do just that.

Today I let go of the lie...
The lie that I am not worth it...
because I have a God that tells me that I AM and he accepts me and loves me with open arms.

And that's the truth.

I pray that today you choose to believe the truth over the lie.

 

Christmas Recap

Christmas is finally done in our home.  And by done I mean I've packed up all of the decorations and put them away in storage. 

Toys have finally migrated their way to the proper rooms, trash bags and boxes are out, and our home is looking a lot less cluttered.

It seems that it takes a couple of weeks to catch up on sleep after the holidays. Between preparing, enjoying time with family, and playing with new gadgets, it's hard to catch up but I can't really complain.  

This Christmas was a blessed one.

Spent with my favorite kiddos :)

Reading Stories...

...And just being together.

We played with new toys in our new pajamas....

...and took plenty of naps.

We said goodbye to Patrick the Elf before he returned back to the North Pole.  It was bitter sweet.  I've really enjoyed my time with Patrick and enjoyed even more how the kids looked for him every morning.

Patrick really out did it this year.  Next year may pose as a challenge for him. Haha!

We had a bit of a gift scare and had one sad little boy when he opened his Nintendo 2DS and we found that it had been removed from the box before our purchasing. 

 I saw the tears build in his eyes and disappointment take shape in his frown.  We told him that we would go to the store the next morning and get him one.  He said "it's ok.  I can be flexible".  My heart melted.  Clearly he was sad but hearing those words just confirmed that he deserved it.

I looked and looked for the receipt and could find it NOWHERE.  I even dug through the trash on the off chance I threw it out with the Walmart bag and still found nothing. I knew I had put it in my purse and I figured that either I moved it and forgot that I had, or the sticky fingers of a daughter that I have pulled it out in her search for Mommy's gum and lipstick.

We felt anxiety.  Were we going to have to pay for another one? Was Walmart going to think that we were trying to con them?  Were we crap out of luck because I lost the receipt?

The next morning our Christmas miracle happened.  

Brodey got his 2DS!

Walmart was made aware of a distributor issue where hundreds of electronics had gone missing and wasn't made aware until customers were returning to the store with empty boxes.  We were one of those customers and they showed us mercy.  I am so thankful!!!! 

 I was one hurting momma to one sad little boy and I am so glad that we could make if right.

(Thank you God for making it right)

Despite that Christmas hiccup... 

It was a blessed Christmas.

So as we put Christmas behind us we are still reminded of the true gift that was given... Jesus.  

And as I look toward the New Year that is just around the corner, I can't wait to see what that gift has in store for us.  

I can't expect perfection for 2014 but I know I can expect more blessings.

Praying you all had a wonderful Christmas and that you all have a spectacular new year.

-C

Traditions

If you know me well then you know that I am usually knitting for my family right up to Christmas Eve.  Usually up to an hour or two before we get together with family. However I am ahead of schedule and it feels awesome!  

I even have time to knit Brodey and Saiya Christmas ornaments this year which will be the first ever.   I usually go to a cool little place here in town to paint them one and have done it every year since Brodeys first Christmas.  

I decided that the tradition is not just limited to pottery but in general, is the simple gift from mother to child.  Another ornament, made special by mom to hang on the tree.  And when they grow up and have their own tree, they will have some of their mothers love hanging off of it.  

We don't have many traditions in this family but the ones we do have fill my heart with total joy.  Not just because they are "fun" but because they come from the love of our family and celebrating it.  

-Ornaments from me to the kids

-Truck stop Christmas meal

-A new pair of pajamas and stuffed animal. (From my childhood)

-Christmas Eve with my family (always)

-The Dockweiler family singing Christmas carols at my sisters front door.

-A coffee mug of my God child every year.

-Lefse with butter and sugar

-Spending the majority of Christmas Day in pajamas and playing with new toys while watching movies.

-Driving around to look at Christmas lights. (Also did this as a child)

-The Chipmunks Christmas carols. (Again, from my childhood) 

-Elf on the shelf

It will be fun to see what traditions my kids will carry on and what ones they develop on their own. 

If you haven't noticed by now I am quite sentimental :) 

Well, back to knitting!

I pray that your Christmas is a blessed one.  May you find joy in the gift of our Savior and hope for the New Year.

-Caren

Merry Germy Knitty Season

The last few days have been quiet around here.  Plenty of naps, hot drinks, Advil, and finally... Antibiotics have been passed between my daughter and I because of strep.

My view has been mostly from the couch which isn't ideal but it seems being sick is the only time I actually relax and can justify watching episode after episode of Glee. :)

David has been so helpful and I am so thankful for that.  He has picked up on the house work when he comes home from working a full day, makes dinner, gets kids in jammies and teeth brushed, tucks them in and says prayers with them, and makes sure to set out all the things I'll need to help me feel better on the kitchen counter while he's at work.  What a huge blessing that has been.  It's amazing how big of a difference having a 2nd pair of hands makes.

Thankfully my son has been spared thus far and has managed to walk away with just a runny nose.  He has been such a sweet little thing.  He had all of these ideas last night of how he could help us feel better and hot chocolate was at the top of his list.  It was a delicious idea :)

Today is being spent playing catch up now that I no longer have body aches. (May squeeze in a snoozer too)  The only thing that makes it hard to do what I need to do is this stinkin' cold weather and wind.  It's hard to pull a sick kiddo out in this crap so I'll just be doing what I can from home for now.

I still have plenty of Christmas knitting to get done.  I've completed two projects and still have another 6 to make within the next two weeks.  Fingers crossed!

Would it be easier to purchase gifts? Yes. But for me I knit for those I love and there is just something so pleasing in gifting something that took time, thought, and effort.  You can gaurantee that I've spent hours planning what I'm going to make that person, searching for the perfect yarn, and then of course knitting it up stitch by stitch.  It's an act of love for me which is why I do it.  And every year I try to do something a little bit different but of course still yarn made :) Tis the season!

Tis the season for germs, cold weather, winter knitting, and love.  

Hope you all are warm and healthy.  

-C

 

A day of play

I downloaded the blogger app onto my iPhone and thought I'd give it a try. Oh the joys of technology. 

I'm snuggling Saiya right now.  We both skipped out on naptime to run an errand, grab a Starbucks drink, eat lunch, shop, a little, and play a lot.  

Needless to say we are both a little tired but it feels good to just be together without always having to worry about routine and schedule.

It feels good to put off work for a day just to have some much needed fun.  My days home with Saiya will be limited when I start my CNA work, so for now I'm just trying to soak it up while I can.

Soon we will be pausing "The Little Rascals" to pick up brother.  Can't wait to share one of my favorite childhood movies with him when we get home.

I couldn't help but chuckle when one of the kids in the movie said "the kind of man that if he were to fall off a building, that he'd go out of his way to land on a girl". Lol or something close to that. :) 

Snuggles

Blankets

Hot chocolate

Movies

Comfort food

and some peace

Exactly what my soul is needing today.  

Hope your day has been blessed.  

-C