Well the wait and dread of state boards for my CNA certification is over. It felt like that day would never come and after the date for testing had been scheduled, I looked at my planner with slight anxiety and anticipation.
I had heard a lot of negative around the testing. Even when we (my mom and I) were waiting to be tested, all we heard about was how 4 of 20 only passed last time and 2 out 8 from their own class passed. Or how many times the people that were waiting had taken the test and that they were there because they, yet again, had to test for the 3rd time.
I wasn't feeling very encouraged.
My mom picked me up at 5:15 am on Saturday and we headed out of town for our test. It was dark till about 7:30 which was a bummer because I had hoped to get some studying in on the road. However we did manage to find a parking spot at the college and study before we signed in.
We signed in and we waited. It felt like forever before they called us in to the classroom to take the written half of the test. I didn't feel near as nervous about this part of testing. I think partially because it was just me, the booklet, and an answer sheet. No one was watching me to make sure that I put down the right answer. No one was grading me as I went. I just filled it out, turned it in, and waited for the results. Not only that but it's usually the skills part of the test, where you have to perform certain tasks step by step, have 5 of them to do, and all in 25 minutes to complete it all, that gets people all bent out of shape.
We passed!
The tension in the room was crazy. People were nervously talking, studying, and frequently visiting the bathroom as we each waited for our names to be called.
As my mom and I were waiting for the skills half of the testing, two people returned. They were not confident that they had passed and beat themselves up over what they may have missed or messed up on. They had both tested a couple times prior to that day. I watched as they looked at their results. One threw her sheet on the floor in frustration and walked away. The other did a little dance, hugged the test facilitators, and left with a grin. Then it was our turn.
I was under the impression that there was a volunteer that would be acting as the client for the skills test. That's what the testing guide said at least. Come to find out, my mom and I would test using each other as the client. I was surprised and though I didn't think it would be a big deal, I later realized it was.
My mom did AWESOME! She nailed every skill that she completed but sadly ran out of time halfway through her 5th and last skill. My heart sunk after the 25 minute buzzer went off and she was still working away.
We had figured out that where she lost time was when she was putting my shoes on during the 2nd skill. She had to get me up and out of bed to walk me using a gait belt but had to put my shoes on as part of the steps. Well that day I had worn thick socks and my athletic shoes that are very fitting and has elastic in the tongue under the laces. I wasn't allowed to help her and it was a struggle to get those tight shoes over my big socks. If it weren't for that... She would have completed all 5 skills in that 25 mins and passed with flying colors.
I'll never look at those shoes the same.
On the upside, she will retest her skills (not the written. Just the skills) in town and received such encouragement and praise from the facilitator. She really did a remarkable job!
The skills I received to test on were as follows:
1.) Hand washing (all did this one)
2.) Use of a bedpan (which I prayed I didn't get but did... Oh well)
3. Measuring urinary output
4.) Dawning of protective gown and gloves (putting them on and taking them off properly)
5.) Catheter care
I immediately started to plan in my head what I needed for each one, how much time I needed to complete each one, and started the clock.
I moved fast and though it wasn't a race, it kind of was and in the midst of that I tried to recall each step. Remembering to introduce myself, to lower the bed after I was done, to hand the client the call light, to close the curtain for privacy, to not over expose the test dummy (not my mom haha) for catheter care that went by Mr. Jones but had a vagina. Haha! It was easy to remember the big steps of the process but something as simple as handing the client the call light could be easily bypassed.
(Might I add here how awkward it is to shove a bedpan under someone's butt and how much more awkward it is being the person to sit on it? My poor mother.... Hahahahaha! Don't worry. It was just a test so no actual bedpan use happened.)
As soon as I said "wash hands, skill's complete" for the last time, before the timer went off, with a minute to spare, I immediately heard my mom say "yes!! You got this!". And I did....
I passed!
I felt so excited for what I had accomplished and yet so disappointed that we hadn't passed that part of the test together. There were so many mixed feelings in that moment and moments after. I just felt so stinking bad about my shoes and stewed on the reality that my mom would have walked out of there with a different outcome had she not tested on me that day. Seriously 5 minutes just trying to loosen those stupid things up. I'm not over exaggerating the difficulty here. Even though it wasn't my fault, I couldn't help but partially blame myself. Ugh.
I AM excited for the months to come and to see what possibilities open up with this accomplishment. And for me this is an accomplishment.
Some people may talk it down like it's no big deal but not everyone knows ME.
I don't know how many times I've said I was going to do something, try something, attempt something and not follow through. Self doubt and the unknown generally keeps me from doing something. At times it's taken someone to "hold my hand" or walk me through. Or so it feels... BUT when I reeeeeally want something, i go after it. I just haven't gone after anything that has challenged me like this or invest into my future or purpose.
This working mom of two kids, who secretly doubted herself...
Completed a course
Did the foot work of paperwork and background check (without hand holding)
Studied like crazy
And actually retained the information! Lol
AND passed state boards!
I pushed through it and I managed to prove to myself that I am capable of achieving so much but have allowed my fear of failure to step in the way of pursing my dreams. This experience has changed me.
I've learned
I've grown
I've conquered
I've set more goals because the part of my mind that said "you can do this" was able to overtake the part of my mind that said "you don't have time. You have kids to take care of, how will you study? You were an average student 10 yrs ago, what's changed? You're out of practice." And all that other junk.
A huge thanks to my family and friends that have encouraged, prayed, supported, and celebrated with me. Especially to my mom who has ALWAYS believed that I can and has shared this experience with me. And to my husband that helped me with obtaining quiet study time, quizzed me, and helped make this a priority when so many other bills and needs could have taken its place.
I'm incredibly blessed.
I can't wait to see where God takes me next! <3
-C
